when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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