I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
