We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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