How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
