Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize