craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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