After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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