i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
