After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
