is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
time to smoke my breakfast
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
