I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
