honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
