Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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