so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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