was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
