just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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