Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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