I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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