is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
