What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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