So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
