I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
