Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
