i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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