everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
