no, he came in my armpit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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