Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
