Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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