Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
