I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
