my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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