in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
