Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
