Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
