Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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