new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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