maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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