Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize