I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
