Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
