At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
