I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
