I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
