I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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