You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
