Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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