This dress was meant to end up on your floor
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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