Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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