Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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