my vag is so smooth its legendary
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
