Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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