Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
