My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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