i permit you to call me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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