and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
