found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
