So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
