I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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