Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
