I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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