He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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