He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
